Help Wanted

So quoth my mother,

"Agh. If I had to write such a message, I'd probably include stuff like "should love books, be very energetic, have a lively mind, a intellectual bent, an appreciation of the unconventional, and a quirky sense of humor...must enjoy horror movies, homemade cookies, good coffee, long walks, classical music(?). Two-faced, self-important, image conscious, spineless, lemming-like trend followers need not apply. The ability to debate would be a plus"

Sounds dandy.