Here is the awkwardness my mom wrote for me!

"Now accepting applications for a partnership position. Applicants must be open minded, adaptable, fun loving and well read. The ability to show affection and be cool headed in emergencies are paramount traits for this position. The successful candidate will have the ability to discuss varied topics from current events to emotions. They must demonstrate their commitment to womens equality in all aspects of life from the board room to the bed room. A generous nature and sense of social responsibly are required. Knowledge and appreciation of the arts is a plus for the applicant. An excellent sense of humor needed to successfully fulfill the duties of this position. Athleticism or an appreciation of sports is helpful. A Post Baccalaureate degree and comeliness will give applicants preference but are not required. Applicants sincerely interested in making this life long commitment may apply."